Yesterday I got drawn in by the $100 million prize in the multi-state lottery thing, and plopped down $1 of hard-earned cash for a chance to dream. I play the lottery once a year or so, always for just a dollar, and I can’t remember if I’ve ever even hit one number correctly. But for the day or two between buying the ticket and the disappointment of checking the results I get to noodle around about what I’d do if I won.
The funny thing that occurred to me today is that I tend to entertain fantastical notions of winning the lottery whether I play or not; it’s just that one or two days out of the year my odds of winning go from zero to vanishingly small.Without further ado, here’s a few of the greatest hits from my win-the-lottery agenda:
- Quit my job. What the hell is up with these 54-year-old mechanics who win the lottery and keep going to work every day? I just spent the last year not working, and I can assure you that it beats the hell out of working. The only possible downside of not working is that you might someday have to return to work… in that sense not working is something like a Sunday night… you dread the inevitable fact that you have to get up the next morning (or some morning) and go to work. You can avoid this fate by toeing the line of agenda item #2…
- Don’t run out of money. Put aside some crazy amount of money — say $5 million — that you’ll only touch if you realize that you’ve been a fool and run out of money. If that happens, promise yourself that you’ll change your ways, stop buying a Lamborghini for every doe-eyed child that asks, etc. However, see item 3.
- Buy a lot of houses. Not for me… just finish paying off the houses for friends who have ‘em. School debt, car debt, whatever. Maybe some people would say, “Oh no, that’s OK, I’d rather pay my own house off…”, and I’d be all, “….?”
- Philanthropy is fun. Sightline.org, Planned Parenthood, Real Change, WEC, AdoptAMinefield… all the places I like to give money to now, just a lot more money.
- Hire a chef. Mostly it would be nice to have someone who could promise me they’d never put beets, squash, cilantro or raw tomatoes in anything I’d eat ever again, but I also think it would be fun to do lots of one-on-one cooking classes. Eventually I might even learn to sharpen my own knives.
- Go back to school. I don’t expect I’ll ever have the time or energy to really learn much about geology, botany or economics. As a multi-millionaire I could afford to have one of each on call that could explain stuff to me when I’m reading along and am all of the sudden stumped by something. What a geek fantasy, eh!
- Lots of snorkeling.
- Embarrass Rush Limbaugh & that “Savage Nation” guy. Yeah, I know… if they’re not embarrassed already, what more could anyone do? But somehow I’d find a way. It would be nice to be able to afford full-page ads in the NYT.
Anyway, I clearly need to give my plans some more thought… my fantasies aren’t as thrilling as I thought.
One little project I’d like to work on is a “virtual” lottery player, where every time you click the button it plays the lottery for you. Your odds of winning are the same as in real life, but playing doesn’t cost you a dollar. If no one wins, the prize goes up, etc., but you could “play” a hundred times in one night if you kept clicking, etc. Here’s one, for example, but the prize doesn’t go up when no-one wins. Ahh, this one is better, it keeps track of the number of times you’ve won and lost, and how much more you’d have one if you’d invested the money. Anyway, someday soon (i.e., after I win the lottery on Tuesday!) I’ll brush up on my JavaScript skillz and make a little game. Sweet dreams, ducklings!
Recent Comments